The Anatomy of a Poor Life Decision

This is the story of a poor life decision. A rookie move, if you will.

I met a girl in DC. I went out for dinner and drinks with the girl. At the end of the evening, she insisted on paying, because "I was cute and funny and she didn't mind spoiling me since I am a poor grad student." We parted ways. While riding the metro home, she started texting. She kept texting. I won't go into great detail, but let's just say it became clear to me that she was willing to buy me things, and let me have what I wanted in a ... biblical? sense. And, she's cute.

And then she starts sending me photographs. I won't go into detail. And no, I won't share them with you (I'm a classy guy).

So here we have sort of an ideal situation - a sugar mama situation.... And what does J-ho do? He said no. Please, bring on the hate. I deserve it.

The Shoe Fits

I just noticed a few of the ads that now show up on my blog. This one is perfect for me:

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Notes on an earthquake

So many things could be said of the devastating earthquake that rocked the East coast this afternoon. This is the best coverage I've seen.

But seriously, 5.9 earthquake hits DC? That's crazy!

Needless to say, my family was worried. Here is a short conversation I had with my sister in the minutes following the earthquake:

Leigh Ann: "Did u feel earthquake? R I [sic] ok?"
Me: "What earthquake?"
Leigh Ann: "There was one on east coast that was felt in NYC and dc"
Me: "I know. I'm in dc."

I want to go to happy hour.

Pugh Street Unimart: State College Business of the Year

Oh Pugh Street Unimart, how do you still exist?

You have never been a model business. You hire crazy, angry people. Your stock is always low. You routinely run out of cigarettes. You give up your spot as the closest gas station to campus by taking out your pumps.

But now you've really proven yourself as one of the worst businesses to exist in a town full of terrible business strategies (see Crisp, for example).

I walk into the Unimart. The store is practically empty, as it has been all summer. But here we are, the day before school starts, and the shelves are still empty. The employee (who I know, but only through being a patron of the store) explains to me that they bought a new cash register over the summer, which was a "huge" investment, and therefore they have to wait for people to spend money before they can restock the store.

I'm going to keep my analysis short (as I've been told my posts are too long, which only adds to how terribly boring they are). First, the cash register isn't a nice, fancy cash register. It actually looks more like a kids cash register than to a top of the line, computerized register. It looks something like this:

If this was a "huge" investment, then this store is in even worse shape than any of us thought.

Second, this reminds me of one time when I was a kid and I spent my only 20 dollars on a wallet. It remained empty for quite a long time. I suspect the cash register will do the same.

Thank you for being open

Okay, so some of you feel like my blog has not discussed tomatoes enough. Fine. I give in. You want a story about the archives? Okay.

Today I get done doing some work at the German Historical Institute at 3:30. I stop by the hostel and drop off my bag (my hostel is only 5 blocks away). Then I decide to walk down to the Library of Congress to get a readers card (a card you have to apply for before you can go into the reading room) so that I can save myself 15 minutes of research time when I get to the library either tomorrow or Thursday. Sounds like a good plan, yes?

I walk 45 minutes to go to the Library of Congress. They are supposed to be open until 5. This is actually when they said they'd be there in an email they sent me. I arrived at 4:45. But, despite what they told me, they apparently close at 4 on Tuesdays. So, I walked 45 minutes home.

Thank you for being open, LOC.

A debaucherous DC weekend, or how I learned to stop worrying about spending money and just get really drunk in DC

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Greetings From DC

Living the dream in DC at the moment. Staying at a hostel nicer than most motels I've ever stayed at. Besides the 30 block walk to the National Mall every morning, the digs are good.

Finally got into the Smithsonian, National Museum of American History Library today. They are WAY understaffed - apparently everyone is on vacation. I'm the only one doing research in the library, and the wait time on 20-30 sources is 2-3 days. That's incredible, especially since I need closer to a 1,000. I'm sure it will only get worse with more and more budget cuts.

So far, no funny news from the seed catalogs. It's a shame.

The weekend is near. Friday night - drinks with Jan. Sat night - The Cure vs. The Smiths Dance Party. Sun - Brunch + all you can drink mimosa's.

Getting up on Monday may not be easy.

hipster bars and beer brewers

So, I'm in Pittsburgh. I yelp bars in the area that I'm in, because... well... I'm an alcoholic. Of course I choose the bar that has a one star review that warns me very clearly "Beware... Hipsters." I'm intrigued. I proceed with caution.

I arrive at the bar, Gene's Place, as it is locally known, and take a seat. I order a drink (a vodka-cranberry, if you must know). I strike up a conversation with the bartender/owner
"Gene" (I will get a picture with him in the coming days). Soon thereafter, he brings me a beer, and informs me that the beer's brewer is seated directly next to me. I try the beer. It tastes good (see image).

I struck up a conversation with the brewer. He was a nice guy. I asked him about his beer. He was elated. He informed me that in his beer, he uses 2 row, rather than 8 row, hops. Apparently that's a big deal. He also told me that back in the day, steelworkers used to spend excessive amounts of money on beer that used 20% 2 row hops during Christmas time because they worked so hard. I found that a bit excessive. In any case, he kept talking. Apparently, 2 row hops is really expensive. He gets his from Germany and Slovania (Slovania, really?). In any case, then he assured me that his beer would be the most popular beer in America in the next 10 years. He might have been drunk. Really drunk. So am I.

tomato porn

Pittsburgh, Day 1

For those who doubt Lesley's drinking prowess, you doubt was understandable, and ... dead-on. She DID in fact have a few margaritas, and a cranberry and vodka poured from my handy nalgene flask and my endless supply of 8 0z bottles of cranberry juice. Yet, she refused to get drunk. So, the drought continues for "Let it Rains."

I spent half the afternoon searching out the perfect accessory for my Fit - A nice, bright colored pair of truck nutz. I failed to find any. I feel like less of a man because of it.

My GPS keeps telling me that driving through alleys is the preferable method of cross-city travel in Pittsburgh. That or every street in Pittsburgh is an alley.

This is how dissertations are written

With iPhone apps to boot.

Notes from the Road

I drove across the country today, from TX to Kentucky (en route to State College). From there, I will soon begin my adventures: A 3 month trip that will take me through Pittsburgh, D.C., Philadelphia/SE New Jersey, and New York City.

Until then, this is my only observation after a 14 hour drive: Texarkana is a shithole. For proof, consider their slogan: